We love the quote, "If you must raise your voice, do it to cheer children on." All children become convinced of their GREATness, through the adults in their lives who nurture it.
Introducing LDAQ’s Innovative Parent/Teacher Workshops & Family Social Skills Groups
By Linda Aber & Sheila Ostroff M.A. Pyschotherapist
The Wizard of Oz, is a powerful story, that can provide an inspirational model for the parent or teacher. It features four beloved characters, a scarecrow, a tin woods man, a lion and young Dorothy. They become trusted friends as they each venture into their growth of GREATness. Their goal is to reach the Wizard and ask him to provide them with qualities they believe they are lacking and want to possess. The scarecrow asks for “a brain”, the tin woodman, “a heart”, the lion, “courage” and Dorothy asks “to return home”.
With great wisdom and forethought, the Wizard announces he will reward them their hearts desire, but only after they vanquish the wicked witch and return with her broomstick. They accept the challenge and throughout their precarious journey of overcoming numerous obstacles, we witness their friendship and personal capabilities transform.
The scarecrow uses common sense and intellect to strategize their plans, while the tin woodsman experiences tender emotions. The cowardly lion displays unwavering bravery and Dorothy matures on her own because of her many adventures and challenges, recognizing that her family and friends are important to her and that there really is no place like home.
Upon returning to Oz to receive their promised qualities, the wizard enlightens them, that they have always possessed these strengths within them. He then advises them to always believe in themselves, while his recognitions and appreciation of their values ignites their self-confidence and self-reliance.
The lesson we can learn from this relevant story is that adults have the capability to influence and transform youth, by recognizing all their innate abilities and greatness they display at any present moment. Parents and teachers can become the “great wizards” creating and cleverly constructing a template of successes for every youth. Children possess wonderful qualities and they need to be made aware of them, by the significant adults in their life.
All children and especially those with ADHD, LD and ASD, experience cloudy days, whether from low self esteem, academic, social or emotional difficulties. They live with more uncertainty and have learned through negative experiences to have less hope manoeuvring through their daily tasks. The adult connection is essential now more than ever for their day to day well being.
Children need nourishment from the inside out, making them stronger and better able to handle life’s challenges. Psychologist Howard Glasser, creator of The Nurtured Heart Approach, states in his book All Children Flourishing, “They need a real inheritance - not monetary wealth, but inner wealth. Inner wealth enables children to use good judgment, resist exploitation, choose good partners and friends, cope with adversity, find courage, love and make right choices all from the inside out.” Just like the inner growth of those enchanting characters from Oz, this approach develops inner wealth by recognizing and appreciating the unique qualities that children possess, and holding up a mirror clearly reflecting back their successes. Children quickly learn that adults provide more energy and relationship in their positive choices, than negative. They become self aware of their GREATness, their strengths and innate abilities.
With this approach in mind, Montreal Chapter One has developed new programming to help parents and educators who have or work with challenging children/teens facilitate parenting and classroom success. Increasing LDAQ Professional Development Services, Sheila Ostroff and Linda Aber are presently facilitating Nurtured Heart Teacher Workshops/Training in the Montreal school community. At the 2010 Quebec Provincial Teacher’s Convention, they introduced NHA to over 80 classroom teachers and principals, as an inspirational, positive, social curriculum, rather than a behaviour management tool for challenging students. It is an amazing set of strategies developed specifically for children with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), Learning Disabilities, Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD), Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), and other challenging behaviours.
In schools and classrooms world-wide, upon implementing NHA, teachers have witnessed a decrease in disruptive behaviours (bullying, detentions, suspensions, discipline referrals, disrespect and defiance) and a significant increase in the academic scores in ALL the students. It has quickly become obvious that all children thrive with this method, eliminating the need for several different behaviour plans for disruptive children.
This approach promotes the concept that “you are a successful person who can learn and behave” vs. “behave and learn so you can be a successful person”. School personnel provide abundant quantities of evidence students already are good, worthy, valuable, and belong. In reality, students are more incredible than they know and it gets even better. Teaching and learning become inspiring and fulfilling, as honour, peace, hope and respect return to the school. The social curriculum of relationship becomes powerful, leaving much more time for teaching, learning and empowering minds and spirits.
Parent workshops and social skills groups, facilitated by Linda, utilize Theraplay and The Nurtured Heart Approach. An easy to implement, “positive discipline” parent model, Nurtured Heart fosters children’s inner strength, character and spirit and provides them with a moral compass essential to deal with and solve problems. Theraplay’s playful, attuned, here and now interactions create positive, hopeful internal working models for parents and their youth. Children are transformed emotionally and socially to higher levels of happiness, security, behaviour and achievement. Group sessions create an active and affective parent-youth, peer-peer connection, where children begin to develop a new view of themselves, the world and how people in their world can respond to them.
Our social skills groups are unique – the lyrics and music that reach the heart of youth. Theraplay, provides the perfect melody, engaging playfulness of all group participants while Nurtured Heart incorporates the nourishing words, the authentic recognitions of youth “being great in the moment”. Prosocial skills are introduced weekly, such as active listening, reading faces/body language, anger management and friendship skills. Parent participation is key, as it enhances success for all. As involved partners, parents acquire the same learning’s as their child / teen, are present for insightful group discussions, utilize the nurturing vocabulary, the targeted skills & buzz words and witness the development of character building. Amidst the enjoyment and laughter, parents become skilled at recognizing and igniting GREATness in their youth and expanding these skills at home to promote inner wealth and their parent-child relationship.
Our workshops & social skills groups empower parents and teachers to look at children through a “new lens” and to utilize “nourishing relationship language”. They are taught how to strongly reinforce children’s experiences of success while being conscious to not accidentally energizing their child’s experiences of failure. Short, specific, positive messages are delivered directly from the heart of the adult into the heart of the child. Adults teach values experientially, framing a lesson of qualities in the context of the child’s experience. They need irrefutable, evidence, in the present moment, that they are being successful, exemplifying their great values.
“Paul, I appreciate how you shared the computer with your sister. You showed great thoughtfulness and consideration.”
“Tommy, Right here, right now, you are demonstrating amazing self-control. I am impressed by the way you’re handling your strong feelings and not being aggressive even though you are angry. What amazing strength I see.”
When feedback is authentic, heartfelt, and specific, children begin to internalize these successes as their own personal power. Eventually they begin a shift from requiring adult feedback, to trusting in their own wisdom and innate abilities. Children begin to transform their negative portfolio filled with disappointment, inability and anger, into a successful one filled with their personal experience of self-control, integrity, taking responsibility, making good choices, helping others and more.
When adults point out ways in which children are expressing qualities like kindness, compassion, courage, and respect, backed up by truth in the present moment, their hearts immediately respond. Parents and teachers have just introduced them to who they really are. They blossom like exquisite flowers, unfolding every petal, revealing their inner beauty to us, themselves and others. Children become convinced of their GREATness through the wizard-like adults in their lives who see them, believe in them and cleverly ignite them to do great things.
