By Linda Aber & Family Life Educator, Desiree Chaker

 

"Bullying," according to noted expert psychologist, Dan Olweus, “poisons the educational environment and affects the learning of every child." Bullies can take the enjoyment out of school and alter something as simple as riding on the bus, stopping at a locker, or eating in the cafeteria, into a frightening event that is anticipated with worry all day. Often, they provoke the same children repeatedly and their bullying behaviour may persist in more destructive, antisocial conduct as teens and adults. Many have been bullied themselves and may pick on others to feel powerful, popular, important, or in control.

Children who are bullied often experience low self-esteem and withdrawn behaviour such as anxiety and depression. Many victims have ADD / LD and can suffer long-term consequences, affecting the way they form relationships as adolescents and adults and possibly leading to more serious problems like substance abuse.

Malicious repeated harassment and attacks on others by individuals or groups, has become more prevalent in Canadian schools and society. Montreal Chapter 1 has witnessed an increase in phone calls from parents and teachers, requesting assistance for this serious dilemma. Their heartfelt pleas for support, fuelled by mixed feelings of sadness, fear, anger and helplessness, propelled us to design our Stamp Out Bullying Workshops for both home and school. School workshops target techniques for teachers and students while parent and youth workshops target specific strategies for dealing with the bully and victim at home. Our workshops promote awareness on how to deal with the bully, secure safety for the victim, educate bystanders about their role as active witnesses, teach parent strategies. A school wide plan is introduced, with key components such as, increased adult supervision in all areas of the school, increased consequences for bullying behaviour and a clear message that bullying will not be tolerated.

April 2008, we were invited to facilitate our workshop at a high school, in Hull Quebec, for 950 students and their teachers. We addressed concerns of students from secondary 1-3 and their teachers, offering concrete interventions to stamp out bullying. Our primary goal was to promote awareness for students that THEY had the power to make a difference. We examined bullying behaviour and the different forms of bullying:

Bullying is exhibited in various hateful ways that are not always easy to spot.

• Emotional bullying is especially common amongst girls, who tend to inflict pain on a psychological level. Girls use “their wits” instead of weapons in relational bullying. They attack indirectly through social networks by disrupting relationships, slandering reputations, excluding and shunning others, spreading rumours and gossiping. The powerful NFB documentary, It’s a Girls World, reveals a hidden culture of nastiness that turns friends one against the other. In a girls world, you are best friends one day and enemies overnight.
• Verbal bullying usually involves name-calling, putdowns, threats, intimidation, incessant mocking and laughing at another's expense.
• Physical bullying, most common in boys, can accompany verbal bullying and involves kicking, hitting, biting, pinching, hair pulling, threats of physical harm or extortion, taxing (stealing of money/ possessions)
• Ethnic and Gender-based bullying preys on children through racial slurs, offensive gestures or making jokes about a child's cultural traditions.
• Sexual bullying involves unwanted physical contact, sexually abusive or inappropriate comments.
• Cyber bullying a new phenomenon began to surface with the advancement of modern communication technologies. It is spread by email, instant messaging, Internet chat rooms, on blogs and social networking websites such as Facebook. Using camera cell phones, photos of victims are uploaded to websites, asking others to vote or poll, an example would be, who is the ugliest girl in class? Cyberbullies forward and spread hurtful images and/or messages, harassing victims at all hours, in extensive circles, at rapid speed.

The Canadian Teachers’ Federation said that cyberbullying should be made a separate Criminal Code offence. In Moncton, N.B. on July 12, 2008, the CTF, representing 220,000 teachers, voted unanimously to ratify their policy on this issue. The teachers group said it should be made a punishable offence to use “information and communication technology to convey a message which threatens death or bodily harm or perpetrates fear and intimidation.” They have begun talks with members of Parliament and have so far found a receptive audience.

During our workshop, students, those who had been bullied or had witnessed bullying were invited to stand up. Students looked around, surprised that mostly everyone was standing, and it became apparent that bullying was an ongoing school issue. They shared their personal definitions of bullying and debated statements, such as, most teens are afraid to stand up to a bully because they think they’ll get picked on next, girls bully just as often as boys, but they do it verbally, being shunned is worse than being picked on, adults have very little idea of what goes on with teens and bullying, and adults know what’s going on, but can’t really do anything about it.

We discussed the triad (bully, victim, bystander), scripts on what to say and do, how to report, classroom activities to promote empathy, compassion, respect, and interventions both students and school staff need to utilize to extinguish bullying.

Touching disclosures occurred as courageous teens shared personal, emotional experiences of being bullied. One male student divulged that a year ago, feeling overwhelmed, depressed and scared, he had actually contemplated committing suicide. Today, he shared, that life was much improved, for he had friends and was no longer bullied. A female student who described being shunned, confessed she felt alone and helpless at school. She revealed that she sought help from her teacher, but was ignored. Another student, who looked sad, shared when he was picked on. he felt alone and anxious in school.

Students happily participated in role plays of the right and wrong way to handle bullying. After they engaged in the variety of scenarios we selected for them, we presented each actor and their teacher with a ribbon that read, Who I am makes a difference. We believe that adults and students working together, helping each other, can make a significant difference, making school a safe place. Neither group can do it alone. Students expressed gratitude for the workshop, by presenting us with their school T-shirts and pins, which we genuinely appreciated.